So the writing prompt for this week was really hard for me. I have had a really hard time deciding which one I want to write about. Really, I can think of something to write for every single one of the prompts, but since this is a public journal there were just some things I didn't feel comfortable with putting out there so the whole world could read. As is, I'm getting a little more personal than I usually do in a public online place, because I'm going to talk a little about Zane and custody. So if it doesn't make sense to you and you want to know more, feel free to ask and I'll give you answers in a less public way.
So out of the five prompts, the one I chose for this week is #3 - A moment you truly felt relieved.
When Luke and I started dating the summer of 2001, Zane was 2 1/2. Luke did not have residential custody of Zane at that point, but was starting to have Zane stay overnight more and more frequently. By the spring of 2002, Zane was spending the majority of his time with Luke, to the point of some stretches of unbroken time with Luke lasting longer than a week at a time. Between this and some unpleasant things taking place in his ex's personal life, Luke decided it was time to try for a change in custody.
It was so stressful and scary. Dads just do not get residential custody. He had a fabulous lawyer, and a very good case, but it was still so scary, simply because he was a dad. I went over to Luke's house the night before court, and by that point "the gig was up" so to speak, and Luke was *forbidden* to see Zane. It was a bleak, worrisome evening. I didn't stay very long because neither of us really felt like hanging out.
I made the choice not to go to court and went to work the next day. We hadn't been dating quite a year at this point, so I wasn't thinking about our future and family and all of that at this point. I tried to call Luke on my lunch and got no answer. When I still hadn't heard from him by the time I left work late that afternoon I was kind of worried. I walked out of the door and saw Luke's truck parked near my car. As I walked up to his truck I saw Zane's beautiful little towhead peeking out over the top of the dash. I'm tearing up thinking about it now. I cannot even describe my joy or relief at that moment, to run up to his truck and hear Zane's beautiful little voice say my name. I can think of several moments in my life where I have felt true relief, but there are very few that reach the profound relief I felt that day.
Sometimes I am so frustrated by Zane, much moreso these days as we enter the turbulent teen years. His age and all of the hormones and drama that goes with it, combined with the issues that come with the stepparent/stepchild relationship have made things a little rocky as of late. I need to remember to think back on this moment more often, and remember how things were and what could have been with a different outcome that day. We all are so very blessed that God touched that judge's heart that day and that he saw the truth.